What if...

me facebook na noong panahon ng Katipunan?

:)

i hope to post and bloghop more. so happy to be back.

New Chairman, etc.

(Someone sent me this email many moons ago)

BILL GATES RECRUITS A NEW CHAIRMAN

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room.

One candidate is MARIO DIMACULANGAN.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. (2000 people leave the room) MARIO says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try.'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. (2000 people leave the room.) Mario says to himself, 'I never managed anybody but myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. (500 people leave the room.) Mario says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave. (498 people leave the room.) Mario says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.

Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says, "Ano ba yan, dong?"

The other candidate answered "Ewan, pare...."

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T: Kung ang tawag sa girl na sobrang mahilig sa sex ay nymphomaniac, ano naman ang tawag sa guy na sobrang mahilig sa sex?

S: Normal.

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Happy weekend everyone, Kanpai!!!!

dapat bang magdala ng trabaho sa bahay?

Pangkaraniwan na sa mga empleyado ang mag-uwi ng trabaho sa bahay, na kadalasang pinag-aawayan ng mga mag-asawa.

"maghapon ka na ngang wala, tapos pag-uwi mo, wala ka pa ring panahon sa min ng mga anak mo..." yan ang kadalasang linya ng partner mo.

Oo nga naman, dapat balanse lang ang buhay... me panahon para sa trabaho at me panahon para sa mga mahal sa buhay. yan ang dapat nating sanayin: balanseng buhay para sa masayang pagsasama!

naalala ko tuloy ang kapit-bahay ko. tahimik lang sila.... masaya,at palagi kong naririnig na nagtatawanan. nguni't isang araw nagulat ako sa aking narinig, iyakan ng mga bata, galit na galit na nanay, "walanghiya ka! bakit ka nag-uwi ng trabaho dito?

"pasensya na mahal, ang dami lang talagang trabaho, baka di ko matapos e kailangang mai-deliver na agad ito." sabi ng lalaki.

sa loob loob ko, minsan lang naman ata nag-uwi ng trabaho di pa pinagbigyan. tuloy pa rin ang sigawan, ang iyakan.... lubos na akong nabahala kaya kinatok ko sila.

"tao po, tao po, okay lang ba kayo dyan?" binuksan ng babae ang pinto at galit na galit na nagsumbong sa kin

"hay naku, nakakataas ng presyon tong asawa ko, nag-uwi ng trabaho dito sa bahay!"

"intindihin mo na lang, minsan lang naman ata ginawa eh ,baka sobrang dami lang talaga ng trabaho nya ngayon at meron pang deadline." ang sabi ko sa kanya.

Galit na galit ang babae na sinagot ako..."ay buwisit talaga, alam mo bang embalsamador ang asawa ko?"

:)

Laws

the email inbox is really a gem when one is looking for a bloggable item. and as usual, i found (or rather, received) one. of course, i am sharing it to you.

(anong panama ng Newton's Law of gravity sa mga ito??)

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. (hmm, that explains why mechanics have grease on their noses)

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. (honga, parang doon talaga ang destinasyon nila!)

The law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. (try mo!)

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. (so don't make LBM as your usual excuse, karma ang tawag dyan haha)

Variation Law: If you change lines at a checkout (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). (kahit sa MRT lagi yan)

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. (sa mga horror movies, maraming ganito, lalabas ng naka-towel lang yung naliligo na usually babae, tapos habulang umaatikabo na ang kasunod! hihihi)

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. (ay totoo yan, so wag ding gamiting excuse na masama ang pakiramdam o di kaya busy para lang di makapunta sa isang gathering, tapos magmamalling ka lang pala, chances are, makakasalubong mo ang mga taong sinabihan mo ng ganun. to make it simple, wag maging sinungaling hehehe)

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. (okey, i want to prove that my brain is not working, well? it really is not working hehehe)

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. (kaya pala sobrang kati kapag yung pinaka-sentro ng likod mo ang kumakati. o fungi na yan? hehe)

Law of the Theater: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. (hmm, hindi rin, kung sino yung nakaupo sa unahan, yun, yun ang huling dumating)

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. (buti na lang, pinapalamig ko talaga coffee ko hehe)

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. (who's murphy, by the way?)

Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. (tip: if you have an expensive carpet/rug, don't make jelly sandwich)

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. (oo nga naman...)

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. ( okey, let's talk about jelly sandwich...)

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. (yeah!!!)

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. (ano daw? at sino naman si oliver?)

Wilson's Law: (this one is true every time!) As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (di ba?)

Doctors' Law: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

agree? :)

Nang sumali si Inday sa Deal or No Deal (part two)

(okey, magbi-break muna ako sa pulag post ko dahil nakita ko na ang kadugtong ng Nang sumali si Inday sa Deal or No Deal. hehe)

laughing trip muna tayo. (pwede nyo ring basahin muna ang part 1)

… dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I’m a fan. I choose number 22 please.

Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 22?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!

[ang laman ng briefcase 22 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What’s his name?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again, off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok with me as long as it’s ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn… buksan na!!

…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga…

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas nito luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris)

Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000. Nanghinayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you…

Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya, Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break… mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. ‘Sing rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?

Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay nagsisigawan ng “No Deal”, ang iba naman ay “Deal”.

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo, we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday: Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker’s offer. The only way I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k or I’d get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind that there’s only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take note, however, that the banker’s offer is roughly around 15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to? Ayokonaaa….

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!

Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa’yo, Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?

Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan, I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: (“kapal naman talaga ng mukha”…bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my gown tonight.

BLAG!! Itinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show kaya’t binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa kanyang oras.

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

[Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal]

***** T H E E N D*****

salamat kay calvin para sa pagpapakita sa akin ng link patungo sa BLOG NI INDAY. opo, meron na rin syang blog at kung gusto nyong silipin ang buhay ni inday, punta kayo dito.

happy weekend everyone, KANPAI!!!!

Nang sumali si Inday sa Deal or No Deal...

(me nagpasa lang sa akin, natuwa ako, kaya share ko sa inyo. atsigurado, katulad ng ibang inday jokes, me kasunod pa ito...)

KRIS: Magandang gabi, mga kapamilya. Sa game show na ito, importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang, ‘Deal or No Deal?’ Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!

[Umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao.]

KRIS: Ok, Inday, choose a briefcase.

INDAY: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please

KRIS: Briefcase # 4... si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

INDAY: Oh, do you really want to know, Kris?

KRIS: Oo naman. I’m sure, kaya ko namang maintindihan ‘yung sasabihin mo, eh.

INDAY: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions.

KRIS: Ok, Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

INDAY: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

KRIS: Wait lang, Inday. Usually, isa-isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case...

INDAY: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we’re to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right?

KRIS: Hayyy... babaguhin pa talaga mechanics? (bulong sa sarili) Anwyay, di bale na lang nga... tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie, buksan na!

[Sumigaw ang udience ng, "LOWER! LOWER!"]

INDAY: (tahimik)

KRIS: Teka lang, bago natin buksan... Inday, usually ang mga contestant natin ay sumisigaw ng ‘LOWER’ every time magbubukas ng case.

INDAY: Kris, I guess that’s not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add ‘ER’ to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?[Natahimik ang audience at napaisip.]

KRIS: Oo nga, ‘no?! Sige, Natalie, buksan mo na.[Ang laman ng briefcase #7 ay piso. Palakpakan ang mga tao.]

KRIS: Good start! Ano ‘yung next case mo ulit?

INDAY: Case# 24, please

KRIS: Chloe... buksan na...

[Sumigaw ulit ang audience ng, "LOWER! LOWER!"]

INDAY: (tahimik lang)

KRIS: Wait lang, guys. Inday, may nabuksan nang case, bakit hindi ka pa rin sumisigaw ng, ‘Lower’?

INDAY: Oh my goodness, Kris! How long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened?

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

KRIS: Aarrgghh!!! Chloe, buksan na lang nga, pati na rin ‘yung 12, 2, 15 and 20, buksan na rin para matapos na. (naiirita na)

[At sunud-sunod na ngang binuksan ang mga briefcase na pinili ni Inday.]

[Nag-ring ang phone.]

INDAY: Ahh, Kris… to save more time, can you tell Banker that I’m not interested in his first offer? In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the Banker. It’s quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean, come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

BANKER: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kuwarto ni Banker]

[Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng audience ang boses ni Banker sa Deal or No Deal.]

hmmm... pati tuloy ako napaisip pero me logic naman yung sinabi ni inday di ba? hehehe.

happy tuesday and i am back from a very tiring Mt. Pulag climb, kwento later. :)

kwento

i got this from an email forwarded to me, thought of sharing it with you.

A man came to visit his lolo and lola. He noticed his lolo sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt with nothing on from the waist down.

"Lolo, what are you doing? You're naked down there and out in the wind for everyone to see!" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

"Lolo, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well...last week, I sat out here with no shirts on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your lola's idea."

minsan, pumasok ako sa isang kwartong puno ng tao...
ayun...
kinabukasan, nauso ang fans club!

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minsan, may nanaginip tungkol sa akin...
yun na...
nauso ang dream boy!

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minsan, naging baby ka,
ayun...
nauso ang tiyanak! (peace po hehe)

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dad: anak, ibili mo nga ako ng softdrinks
anak: coke o pepsi?
dad: coke
anak: diet o regular?
dad: regular
anak: bote o in can?
dad: bote
anak: 8 oz o litro?
dad: anak ng... tubig na lang nga!
anak: natural o mineral?
dad: mineral
anak: malamig o hindi?
dad: hampasin kaya kita ng walis?!?
anak: tambo o tingting?
dad: animal ka!!!!
anak: baka o baboy??
dad: layas!!!
anak: ngayon ba o bukas?
dad: ngayon na!!
anak: hatid mo ko o hindi?
dad: papatayin kita!!!
anak: sasaksakin mo o babarilin?
dad: babarilin
anak: sa ulo o sa tiyan?
dad: PESTE!!!

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anak: ipis o daga??
dad: (nagtatakbo palabas ng bahay) AHHHHHHH

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minsan

minsan, tumayo lang ako sa tabi ng aming pintuan

ayun, nauso ang boy next door.

minsan, naglakbay ako sa isang bayan,

ayun, nauso ang crush ng bayan.

==============================

ang nagagawa nga naman ng trabaho hehehe.

happy weekend everyone (sana makapag-post nako ng matino next week).

samu't saring usapan.

usapan ng dalawang aso:

Aso 1: pare, ang laway daw natin ay may rabies, at ang rabies daw ay nakakamamatay?
Aso 2: o tapos, ano'ng problema?
Aso 1: nalunok ko yung laway ko pare, kinakabahan ako!!!

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usapan ng dalawang pusa:

Pusa 1: pare, umalis ka nga sa tabi ko at nahihirapan akong huminga!
Pusa 2: o eh anong koneksyon?
Pusa 1: HELLO?!? me hika kaya ako! allergic ako sa fur! meowww...

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usapan sa isang jeepney:

Pasahero: manong, me bayad ba kapag bata?
Driver: wala.
Pasahero: kapag kandong?
Driver: wala rin.
Pasahero: o anak, upo ka, kakandong ako sa yo.

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tanong: bakit hinihila ang tali?
sagot: kasi mahirap itong itulak!

:)